My first heartbreak #relationships

advice, life lessons, Love, relationships

I remember watching the new Tyler Perry movie “Temptation”,with Jurnee Smollett and Lance Gross. It was around 2013 and my eyes were glued to the television.

I kept wondering, why Judith was never happy in her marriage, with her husband. She had a great career a husband who was loving, yes he may have forgot a birthday or two, but he was present, so what made her change, what made her choose someone new, who in the end turned her world upside and left her broken.

I was starting over again:

I was getting out of a dead end relationship and starting to enjoy my new job, I loved my co workers and my boss, everything seemed to be going good, until he walked in the door. It was a quiet day, and I was finishing up my final shift, McDonald’s wasn’t my first job choice, but it paid the bills and at that time it was actually good for my schedule. “Are you here for an interview?” I looked up to see my boss talking to a talk slender guy with dread locks who appeared to be looking at me from the corner of his eye.

I shook that feeling off quickly, my focus had to be work and he was not ruining that for me. I could not believe the amount of gossip going on around work, the moment he was hired everyone in the place wanted to know him and figure out who he was. I laughed off the comments and headed to my car, I could hear my name being called in the distance. “Hey” I turned around to see him now standing behind me, I wasn’t impressed like everyone else. “Yeah?” I gave him the “please leave me alone before I get my pretend man to check you look” he didn’t seemed phased as he continued to try to talk to me his main intent was to hang out with me. “I’m busy” I laughed getting in my car hoping he got the hint.

A few weeks later:

It was a nice day outside and my mind was intent on going home to enjoy the rest of my day. I had been doing good at avoiding him for the past few weeks and his attempts at trying to talk to me has gone completely un noticed. “Let’s hang out” that voice sounded familiar again as I turned around. “Give me your number” he smiled continue to look at me. I had been playing hard to get all this time, but of course, I ended up taking his number eventually.

I don’t know what made me text him that night, my life would never be the same after that day. I went to hang out at his house, he had been begging me to hang out practically. It wasn’t this bad thing, he was actually sweet we watched movies and talked for hours about out lives and when it got late he made sure to walk to my car and made me feel safe. The playing hard to get part of me had slowly opened her heart to love.

The after math.

Things appeared to be going well, we appeared to be in a good place, that was until he started to show me sides of him,that never appeared to show in the beginning . I watched him do things that didn’t seem ok, I waited in the car while he made countless deals. I watched him spiral out of control and promise me the world all at the same time. I stopped coming home, I was barley eating underneath it all cherelle had lost herself.

The news hit me at six in the morning, he called sounding upset, he was being put out of of his dads house and forced to move back to his home town. I couldn’t find the worse but in that moment, I started to feel like Bella from from twilight, when Edward left her.She sat starring out the window waiting for his return well that was me the next few weeks.

The truth hurts.

I had managed to bring him back to town, I had a friend who was looking for a roommate to help out, her and her boyfriend. I was glad he was officially back around me but things weren’t good for too long. I remember going to Walmart and watching him un ravel. We argued for at least twenty minutes, he ranted and raved and blurted out that he was bi polar and schizophrenia. I didn’t fold or fall apart instead I hug him and said it was ok.

I felt like everything was falling apart, and not to mention rumors had been circulating around, that he was seeing someone else behind my back. I stayed strong and tried to ignore all the chatter around me. I did my best to stay strong even when, he walked in that day with her, my heart completely stopped it was true. I watched my boyfriend stand in front of me with another girl they were holding hands and laughing, she even looked at him and asked “Are you ok?” He nodded and my world fell apart in front of me. I wanted to run out of work but, I couldn’t moved or even breath. I watched them laugh and talk and the world seemed to stop right in front of me.

Life lessons.

This was the first time, in my life that love had really felt like something. It hurt like hell but looking back at that now, it was one of the best experiences to mold me and make me a better person. I learned that, well for one never date someone you work with and never allow someone to take you for granted or cause you to lose yourself for them. The same girl he left me for, he ended up leaving her a few months later for someone else, so in the end karma served its purpose.

Love isn’t suppose to hurt, love should be kind and sweet and not selfish. I had to learn some lessons the hard way, we have a story, we all have had a heart break, but never let that stop you from loving again, because love is possible. some people can’t be in your life, and that’s ok because that’s more room for the people who truly matter. The truth is you have to love yourself first, and make sure that all that love covers you, and then when the right guy comes along, you will know it and he will know how strong of a women you are this goes for men too. I’m not sure looking back why, I even allowed him to hurt me, but it’s a lesson learned and it’s taught me a lot about love and myself.

Final words:

Love wisely, keep and open mind and remember heart break is normal however, it should never be something to get use too. Find someone who won’t break your heart and will mend any pain you have ever endured, that’s when you know it’s real love. ❤️

-Cherelle